I still can’t believe it. The month of March started like any other month. I had plans to see mom today actually at a Warwick’s book event with her friend. Just goes to show you that when you think you have everything figured out – WHAM!
My mom had a stroke sometime either Friday, March 6th or Saturday, March 7th. She was supposed to help a friend with a party and when she didn’t show up at her friend’s house on time, the friend called to see what was going on. Mom didn’t answer the phone and her friend went to investigate. After two trips to mom’s house, her friend finally got scared at mom’s erratic behavior and called 911. The hospital had a difficult time getting a hold of me as it had been so long since my mom had any type of medical care at that hospital that my sister was still listed as the next of kin.
In the beginning, the stroke was not nearly as bad as it could have been and I had high hopes for rehab for mom. My biggest fear at that point was telling her that her days of driving and living on her own were over. Funny, because for the past year or so we had been discussing a newly constructed assisted living facility that was going in near her condo complex. Mom was not opposed to the assisted living place, she just kept telling me she still liked her independence and didn’t think she was ready for “living with other people” and having “three institutional meals a day”.
I spent three days shuttling between mom’s condo and the hospital and she seemed to everyone to be well on the road to recovery. Sometime between Wednesday and Thursday of the first week, she had another 2-3 strokes and took a dramatic turn for the worse. By Friday, the doctor was telling me that rehab was no longer an option and that her condition had deteriorated to the point that she was not even a candidate to transfer to a nursing home.
Thankfully by this point, my niece Amy had flown to San Diego and she and I along with Andrew and Laura went to see her that day. No amount of preparing your mind can really ever prepare you for seeing someone you love so gravely ill. By this point, mom was paralyzed on her left side and had difficulty speaking. Her worst nightmare had come true.
You might ask how I know this was her worst nightmare? About 5 years ago she had said those exact words to me. She was so afraid something like this would happen that she went to an attorney and had specific instructions put down on paper should the situation ever arise. I always knew she was a great mother but not until that moment did I realize how truly loving and kind she was to me. She knew I would never want her to go and the fact that she made the decisions for me made letting her go much easier. Although her brain deteriorated rapidly following the strokes, her lungs and heart continued as strong as ever. I have no doubt that minus the strokes, she would have easily made it to age 100. She even amazed her doctor of 40+ years who by the day before passing could do nothing more than shake his head in amazement and wonder where her strength was coming from.
Thankfully Amy stayed with me through the entire ordeal. We each have the distinction of being there to comfort each other as our moms left this life. I will be forever grateful to her for her strength through those many long nights.
I know mom is in a better place now, having a wonderful time dancing with my dad and catching up with my sister. There is no more pain for her and she has a joy in her heart that she has never experienced. Even so, I miss her terribly and am having a hard time imagining life without her.
My mom had a stroke sometime either Friday, March 6th or Saturday, March 7th. She was supposed to help a friend with a party and when she didn’t show up at her friend’s house on time, the friend called to see what was going on. Mom didn’t answer the phone and her friend went to investigate. After two trips to mom’s house, her friend finally got scared at mom’s erratic behavior and called 911. The hospital had a difficult time getting a hold of me as it had been so long since my mom had any type of medical care at that hospital that my sister was still listed as the next of kin.
In the beginning, the stroke was not nearly as bad as it could have been and I had high hopes for rehab for mom. My biggest fear at that point was telling her that her days of driving and living on her own were over. Funny, because for the past year or so we had been discussing a newly constructed assisted living facility that was going in near her condo complex. Mom was not opposed to the assisted living place, she just kept telling me she still liked her independence and didn’t think she was ready for “living with other people” and having “three institutional meals a day”.
I spent three days shuttling between mom’s condo and the hospital and she seemed to everyone to be well on the road to recovery. Sometime between Wednesday and Thursday of the first week, she had another 2-3 strokes and took a dramatic turn for the worse. By Friday, the doctor was telling me that rehab was no longer an option and that her condition had deteriorated to the point that she was not even a candidate to transfer to a nursing home.
Thankfully by this point, my niece Amy had flown to San Diego and she and I along with Andrew and Laura went to see her that day. No amount of preparing your mind can really ever prepare you for seeing someone you love so gravely ill. By this point, mom was paralyzed on her left side and had difficulty speaking. Her worst nightmare had come true.
You might ask how I know this was her worst nightmare? About 5 years ago she had said those exact words to me. She was so afraid something like this would happen that she went to an attorney and had specific instructions put down on paper should the situation ever arise. I always knew she was a great mother but not until that moment did I realize how truly loving and kind she was to me. She knew I would never want her to go and the fact that she made the decisions for me made letting her go much easier. Although her brain deteriorated rapidly following the strokes, her lungs and heart continued as strong as ever. I have no doubt that minus the strokes, she would have easily made it to age 100. She even amazed her doctor of 40+ years who by the day before passing could do nothing more than shake his head in amazement and wonder where her strength was coming from.
Thankfully Amy stayed with me through the entire ordeal. We each have the distinction of being there to comfort each other as our moms left this life. I will be forever grateful to her for her strength through those many long nights.
I know mom is in a better place now, having a wonderful time dancing with my dad and catching up with my sister. There is no more pain for her and she has a joy in her heart that she has never experienced. Even so, I miss her terribly and am having a hard time imagining life without her.
Jan M. Gibson
February 2, 1923 – March 20, 2009
86 years and 48 days young
3 comments:
Gaye I am so sorry for your loss. My grandma suffered threw many strokes and they are so horrible to deal with. Be glad they came at the end and she did not have the struggle. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I know no words can describe how you are feeling.
As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I can not even imagine your pain. My Mom is my best friend, and biggest PITA!
Keep up your positive attitude, your Mom would want you to celebrate her life, and not to be sad. Many hugs and my deepest sympathy.
This is just heart-wrenching. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Gaye. I can't imagine the loss of a mom, a woman's one true best friend. I'm so happy that you were with her - she's in a better place counting the days until you one day meet again. Love ya!!
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